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Why don’t children want to do homework ?

Why don't children want to do homework ?

Source: Senior Parenting Education Expert, Bally

After school every day, asking children to sit down and do homework is like sending them to war. Usually, there are several reasons why children do not like or do not want to do their homework. How can parents help their children?

First, they really do not know how to do it. How can we tell if they really don’t know how to do it? I have found that many children go home and find that 80% of the homework requires parent guidance, so they can’t handle it on their own and naturally wait for their parents to come home. From the parents’ perspective, they will feel that their children do not want to do homework.

Second, the child actually understands how to do the homework 80% of the time, but they actually want their parents to accompany them, so they will fight for time with their parents. Once the parents are together, they pretend not to understand. In fact, they are not trying not to understand but are unconsciously hoping for their parents to accompany them and do homework together.

Third, they may be too tired. The parents may not have given the children a proper schedule, causing them to do homework in an unfavorable state, which is why they don’t want to do it.

If the child does not understand how to do the homework at first, the parents should communicate effectively with the school. If the school is willing to adjust the level of homework to suit the child, the parents won’t have to worry about the level difference. If the child doesn’t like doing homework, over time they will dislike going to school and eventually lose motivation to learn. Therefore, we must communicate with the school to see if they can give him some easier homework so that the child can enjoy the process of doing homework.

If the school is unable to cooperate, then the parents need to think about how to guide from the sidelines. Let the child gradually take some courses that start from easy to difficult on weekends, or give some words that the child can recognize, or through some games, let the child understand and slowly enjoy doing homework.

In fact, the biggest concern in the education sector is that students have already resisted learning, resisting going to school, and resisting doing homework. So we must seriously face the reasons why children are unwilling to do homework. Some children love to stick with their parents, but what do most parents do with their children when they get home now in our society? It’s doing homework; this is their only parent-child time. If the only parent-child time is not good or pleasant, it will cause many problems in the family or marriage.

If the child does not want to do homework and just wants to wait for the parents, the parents can play with and accompany the child while doing homework. You can read a book or do something similar to homework near the child, such as bringing work home to do, to make the child feel like you are accompanying them and both of you are doing something.

A worrying situation is when many parents say, “Okay, you do it; I’ll be here,” but in reality, they are watching TV, using their phone, or playing games. This makes the child feel that you are not really accompanying them and that you are not doing the same thing. Even if the child knows how to do most of it, it is preferable for the parent to spend some time watching him or her do it rather than doing something else. Continuously complimenting him/her while watching: “Good job; you can really do it!” gives more praise, which is the best approach.

If the child reaches the end of the K3 school term, they have already grown up and are quite independent. Parents may believe, “They are so big now, I shouldn’t go with them to do their homework anymore.” But in reality, parents should have a schedule in place for their children to follow from a young age. For example, when the child comes home from school, they need to take a break, have a snack, and play for a while. After maybe half an hour or 45 minutes, it’s time for homework.

In K1 and K2, parents can accompany their child while they do homework. But when they reach K3, parents can use a reward system. For example, “If I come home from work today and see that you have finished your homework, I will give you a sticker.” “If you are well-behaved and take a bath after finishing your homework, I will give you another sticker.” Give the child a schedule to follow and reward them with stars or hearts for each sticker they earn. On the child’s schedule, if they accumulate enough stars in a week, the mother should make some promises, such as going to the park. The rewards are best for parent-child activities, not toys, gifts, or candy.

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Parents Zone

暫停面授課堂影響親子情緒
4個方法助孩子保持身心健康

Parents Zone

新冠肺炎爆發第五波,政府再次宣布暫停面授課堂,小朋友重返校園遙遙無期。家長除了要處理子女的在線學習外,更要留意網課為小朋友帶來的情緒影響。而部分家長亦同時在家工作,一家人困在家中,磨擦驟生,親子情緒健康都大受影響。

近日有研究顯示,近25%小朋友達到臨床水平的焦慮和抑鬱,而因疫情劇減的戶外活動和社交聚會,正是其中一個兒童心理狀態變差的原因。我們了解到家長可能會對在家進行在線學習或在家工作的安排感到擔憂和困惑,希望以下的4個方法能給多家長們一個參考,了解如何應對網課帶來的問題及幫助孩子保持心理健康。

1. 建立常規設定:每天恆常時間表

家長們可以先在家中建立一些常規讓自己和子女暫時抽離工作和學習,放鬆一下。在建立常規時可以加入一些動態活動舒展身體,例如跳繩和兒童瑜伽。我們也可以加入遊戲以增加趣味和親子互動,例如一起唱歌、跳舞師砌積木等。通過建立常規設定,我們不僅可以在家中建立一個固定時間表,讓孩子們可以在學習以外,有固定活動,減少他們對網課的不安,家長也可以利用這個機會更了解孩子和增進親子關係。

2. 舉辦網上社交活動

網課的另一個問題是阻礙了孩子的社交發展。學校是讓孩子發展社交的媒介,除了結交新朋友,孩子也可以透過擔任不同角色去學習不同社交技巧。在網課期間,除了結交新朋友較以往困難,在禁止社交聚會的情況下孩子們也較難加深友誼。所以我們建議舉辦線上活動,例如線上生日派對及線上遊戲等來增加孩子們在之間的互動。適當的線上活動能補足因疫情而失去的互動,也能讓孩子們更容易在線上認識朋友及增進友誼,在網課期間互相支持及鼓勵。

跳繩和兒童瑜伽。我們也可以加入遊戲以增加趣味和親子互動,例如一起唱歌、跳舞師砌積木等。通過建立常規設定,我們不僅可以在家中建立一個固定時間表,讓孩子們可以在學習以外,有固定活動,減少他們對網課的不安,家長也可以利用這個機會更了解孩子和增進親子關係。


3. 加入家長靜觀互助小組

要孩子維持良好心理狀態,除了孩子自身,家長亦有很大影響。所以要協助孩子,家長們首先也要擁有健康心理狀態。家長不但可以透過互助小組相互支持,還可以分享不同靜觀教養技巧,用不同方法去協助孩子們應對網課安排。

其中一個靜觀教養練習是呼吸空間,孩子們在深呼吸的時候,可以引導他們去冷靜自己及用天氣去描述自己的情緒,家長可以透過天氣描述例如晴天、陰天及多雲等,去了解孩子的心情,恆常的練習也可以讓孩子的情緒更為穩定。家長們不僅可以透過互助小組分享自己育兒上的難處,也能汲取其他家長們的經驗和建議去幫助子女,及在這個艱難的時刻互相扶持。


4. 在危難中的「機會」

在不能預測以及多變的環境中,人的成長總會遇到不同的挑戰與困難。我們希望下一代在溫室中長大如小花一般,還是像這一代的小孩子,成為暴風雨中的堅強小草呢?家長們可以透過靜觀的呼吸練習,在風雨中找到一份安穩,默想在這兩年的艱難時刻,孩子們最大得着與成長是甚麼呢?資訊科技的能力、自理能力、堅韌性(resilience) 及照顧弟妹的愛心等等。可能還有更多是我們沒有留意到的正面改變。


總括而言,家長們可以透過建立每天恆常時間表、組織線上活動,及加入家長靜觀互助小組等去幫助自己和孩子適應網課的安排和保持良好的心理狀態。我們了解突如其來的網課安排讓家長和孩子們難以適應,但是孩子是有韌性的,只要我們作為家長提供足夠支持,改變一下心態,想一想在危難中孩子所得到的機會以及成長,即使在網課的情況下,我們相信孩子們也能茁壯成長。

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Parents Zone

責罵無助解決問題
愛的語言助家庭和諧幸福

Parents Zone

撰文:聖文德天主教小學張偉菁校長

小朋友在家上學,媽媽也要在家工作,同時兼顧家務和照顧小孩,難免會覺得十分疲累。 媽媽走到客廳,看見小朋友灑滿一地的玩具,頓時感到憤怒,忍不住便責罵孩子。但其實家長可以使用「愛的語言」教導孩子,冷靜又有愛地解決問題。

筆者個人很欣賞一個嬰兒配方奶粉廣告。一開始時,一個 2、3 歲的小朋友在屋內走來走去,搬動很多不同類型的玩具到後花園的泥地上玩耍,過程中把泥土和碎石等帶進屋內,當然過程中少不了跌得滿地的玩具。媽媽看到後,臉色一沉,大戰似乎一觸即發。小朋友看見媽媽的臉色後,亦似乎意識到媽媽的怒氣。怎料鏡頭一轉,媽媽竟從背後取出一副「女飛賊」式的眼鏡,對孩子扮鬼臉。於是烏雲散盡,母女擁作一團,原本的低氣壓被笑聲爆破,藏身於窗簾後的爸爸也可放心繼續「嘆」他的咖啡了。

聰明的廣告創作人給我們上了一課:更糟的事情也可以有令人喜悅的解決辦法。

解決問題只取決於態度

媽媽們在甚麼時候對家人最不滿呢?不是在母親節收不到禮物,亦不是丈夫和孩子忘記了妳們的生日,更不是為家人預備飯餐 ─ 而是在辛辛苦苦忙完家務之後,家中的其他成員卻任意地把原本整齊的客廳弄得亂七八糟!大家有同感嗎?

假如以上的事情發生在妳的身上,妳會如何處理呢?大吵大鬧?還是罵孩子罵丈夫呢?

有一個母親在廚房裡忙了一個上午,午餐也準備好了。當她到客廳時,只見到滿地玩具。她先喝杯冷水,就對不足 3 歲的孩子說:「啊!滿地的玩具,都是你玩過的嗎?」孩子笑嘻嘻點頭。「媽媽做了很多家務,現在很累了,我需要你幫忙,把玩具收拾好,你可以幫媽媽這個忙嗎?」她說。孩子開開心心的開始收拾玩具了。

觀察、感受、需要、請求

這個媽媽用了一個很有效的策略去教導孩子,這策略就是「愛的語言」。她首先「觀察」情況,冷靜地了解問題,代替直接斷言是孩子把客廳弄亂。她再而說出自己當時的「感受」(媽媽很累了),然後她清楚坦白地表達她的「需要」(把玩具收拾好),最後以摯誠的態度表達出她的「請求」,所以孩子可以在她清楚的表達中收到準確的信息,知道如何配合母親,不需要胡亂猜測媽媽發怒的原因。

家庭幸福要刻意經營,家中每一個成員必須讓「愛」融入生活之中。愛包含忍耐,日常生活的溝通中,要冷靜觀察,要說出感受,要提出需要,更要表達請求。家人相處最忌互相指責猜疑,有期盼就要坦白表示,藉著上述4個要素,誠實地表達和關切地傾聽。家庭是一個「愛」的組合,「愛」這個字看似簡單,實則它千變萬化,隨時間而遷移。它如一顆種子,要相愛的人去灌溉、去栽培。孩子有時的確難教,但只要我們肯放下自己的成見,營造「愛的語言」這種非暴力的溝通方法,父母子女必定獲得和諧和幸福。